I started to feel like this date grows a little too strong in me. Especially, for a person who can barely remember what day it is today, your birthday feels like a naturally planted memory where I set up a count-down on myself every year, that begins when the months started to rhyme. September, October, November, and now we’re on week four, the merry lasts until the 30th December.
Honestly speaking, I awed myself for still being able to take time, to sit and write about you after years of absence on the journey you recently unlocked. Now you have the world under your knees, the 19 years old me would cry over our triumph. Screaming proudly as she busy picking word, over word to put nicely for a̶ ̶t̶w̶e̶e̶t the whole world to see you through the same eye as hers — mine.
Years have gone by, I’m sorry for taking you down from my priorities but I promise you nothing has changed ever since. You were the first one to ever hand me the pen. I can hardly imagine myself typing freely without clicking backspace over and over again, unsure of what to come up on the next line, but here I am, right now. Composing letters has never been so easy when they are meant for you. Bet my fingertips got some quick access to the part of my brain where no logic’s found. A part where I stored all the emotions, muffled cries, butterflies, and old concert tickets just to see you eye to eye — every damn year.
I looked back sometimes, checking whether your smile still has its magnet to pull mine?
Turns out, it does.
I was 19 when we met & I could never understand how you can linger for more than 5 years when all my interests didn’t appeal to me anymore after less than 2 weeks and a half— while every of my idol usually has its expiration date — I believe you weigh more than just a muse to adore.
On this birthday, Josh. I’m out of wishes to spend. If they say asking for more means sacrificing another, so I’d just hope everything stays the same. I hope you’d still be you. You, whose warmth comforts others, the one who modestly put himself behind them, the one whose smile cures, and the one who has no idea who’s writing now :p. You might stay clueless — however, I’ll always love seeing your impact on me, and many. Forget dopamine, you are the entire drugs rushing through the veins, at the same time. The one that sends chills but also pushes people on the verge, like being hooked but never caged.
Thank you for helping me find myself. Thank you for the youth I’d never trade even for the world. I hope you are surrounded with peace and always have enough stock of kindness to give. See you on your next birthday, Love.
(P.s: Let’s meet again when the water gets warmer.)
(m)
